In some distant space, an intelligent life form turns on their version of MTV and it’s their version of late night tv in which random shit is on. For this MTV analogue there’s a live stream of my life at the current moment playing the music that currently blasts in my ears sitting at the nurse’s station at 1:18 am[1].
The intelligent life form laughs at the meta nature of watching another intelligent life form narrate their viewing in real time. The intelligent life form starts dancing as they watch me tap my foot to the music.
(finish listening to the song and imagine yourself jittery from coffee, reading a Harper’s article about the death of a child, your eyes sting from the fluorescence and you know at any moment you could be summoned to clean a patient lying in their own defecation)
It’s been a week and the intelligent life form returns to my feed. I’m in the shower my naked skin burnt pink from the hot water. My eyes are closed and my head bangs to a Pond song[2]. The intelligent life form doesn’t see my body with the subjectivity of human eyes, it doesn’t recognize which organs are what, it objectively sees matter moving to vibrations, sounds, that it can resonate with. Music is universally felt. The life form closes its light receptors, flails its appendages and moves with the apprehension and intensity of the song. I mouth the words with a grimace on my face and the life form recognizes these movements as emotions. It connects the sounds to the feelings.
(Listen to the rest of the song. Imagine being tired inside an out. The hot shower water offers you a brief reprieve but you body aches. Your eyes droop down to the floor and you stick a hand against the wall to keep you from falling)
As the intense song fades and I get out of the shower. Its 10:15 pm and a “urgent, groove heavy” song by Joe p comes on[3].
While you go get another drink, I’ll think of ways to tell you I’m fine.
(wait until the song reaches 1:17 then continue. breath a little. it isn’t often writing will tell you to stop reading.)
I get quickly get dressed and hang my head as Joe p’s lyrics remind me of past relationships I’ve tried to forget. Joe p’s voice increases in intensity, and the music responds simultaneously with an increase in tempo as he slowly begins to shout:
I still put my hand around the headrest in my Honda accord.
The life form imagines what it’s like to be me. It is also capable of feeling, but it believes I can feel more than it. The life form is spinning to the song intermittently watching me pour a bowl of Special K. I eat the bowl too quickly then slump into my leather backpack and dramatically shut the door behind me to leave for work as Joe p says:
Cause now you’re off my mind
(enjoy the rest here while the song ends)
And the song fades out and a upbeat melody streams into my earphones[4]. I in rhythm walk out of my house in baby blue scrubs and down the sidewalk. I begin running with the feeling I’m being watched. Now I’m in the middle of the street and dancing while moving forward and singing loudly with no regard for my current position in space and time. People rush into the street and start dancing with me. A woman steps out as the female vocals come in and she’s singing them to me.
I don’t leave my room I don’t feel it like I use to I don’t say a thing that’s true
I’m screaming the lyrics with her. Tears peak out of the corners of my eyes and slide down my face and the chorus becomes soft and fleeting i try to hold on to it but its going. I twirl down the middle of the street hoping to keep it alive and the life form twirls to the same sounds in their space with desperation, and suddenly as if placed there on purpose a car comes rushing down the street striking me as the song fades out—a news song comes on[5]. I’m now lying in the street with one headphone in and the other removed while my naked ear streams blood. The life form watches as my life drains from my body, and it watches as the occupants of the car rush out screaming, but it only hears the music in my ear.
…Dark sky Dark sky…
…There’s a million rain clouds in your head keep falling down on you and you cant look at the ground but it’s all you wanna do…
…Rain down (rain down) through your hair (your hair) …
The view of my accident begins to pan out, the music fades and the life form doesn’t know what to do so it dances to the slowly to the dying music.
[1] Kill Me –Indigo De Souza
[2] Waiting around for Grace –Pond
[3] Off My Mind –Joe p
[4] Room –Sipper
[5] Big Cloud –Radiator Hospital
Joseph Shilati 